Honest to a Fault

My brain is so full of thoughts and information that I have decided to start a blog to do a data dump so to speak. Writing a blog can be tricky business. There are a number of things I really shouldn't write about. The things that come to mind are:

• My husband- who asks me why I updated my status on Facebook
• My family-which would make for amazingly entertaining and unbelievable stories but the fallback would be too great
• My friends - who may actually be bored one day and read the blog
• My actual thoughts - One of the primary reasons I fear getting drunk

Other than that, I'm an open book but I am told that I am honest to a fault, a trait that Jennifer Garner listed when determining her ideal child in "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". When I heard those words for the first time, I knew that was the perfect way to describe my personality. It's the reason my husband choose me and also the reason we fight. My closest friends explain to me that it takes a strong person to endure the raw truth as people don't always want to hear that their butt looks big in those jeans. They also tell me that now that they know me they know that the questions I ask are truly out of curiosity but some people take them as insults. I have tried to be conscious of this fault of mine but to no avail. Five minutes after meeting someone new or even talking to a sales person in a store, they see right past the curtain and I am doomed.

I have tried to determine the root of my honesty and I know some of it is learned from my father. There was also a very distinct day that I can pinpoint in high school that triggered a change in me. I was sitting in the cafeteria during a break period eavesdropping on the a group of the popular girls sitting near me. Eight of them in total, all looking perfectly groomed in their Abercrombie and Fitch corduroy skirts, white blouses, sweater vests, and platform shoes (I went to a prep school in Lake Forest). After 15 minutes of them all gossipping and having a grand old time, 2 had to head back to class. The 6 remaining girls ripped the 2 to pieces the second they were beyond earshot. I empathised with  these 2 girls who walked away and knew nothing about what their "friends" were saying about them. I was determined from that moment on that if didn't particularly like someone, I would not pretend otherwise.  Retrospect tells me what a bad decision that was! I also decided that I would always treat someone they way I wanted to be treated. Which sounds good, but has some unintended consequences.

Being honest to a fault isn't my only personality flaw. Since you are getting to know me, I might as well put some of them out on the table. The first on the list being one of those unintended consequences.

• Too high expectations - I expect people to treat me the way I treat them which is unlikely
• Serious - I have a hard time just cutting loose and having fun
• Jealous/Needy - I am not good at sharing things, people, or ideas
• Refusal to let dead dogs lie - I feel compelled to discuss things even if I knew bringing it up can potentially make the situation worse and don't feel right again until my perspective is heard
• Too controlling- I have a need to have control on all aspects of my life. 
• Have many pet peeves - like someone making you wait
• Too sensitive - I am hurt pretty easily

They say the 1st step is acknowledgement but I have been on this step for the last 6 years and have made very little progress towards the next. 6 years ago I became a mother and figured out that it was time to grow up and just get over it. 

I am not all bad though. There are a number of things that I have to be proud of, which will be the future content of this blog.

• 2 beautiful, smart, well mannered little girls
• A 80% of the time wonderful marriage
• A successful career as an Project Manager and Business Analyst
• Being someone that people can depend on to get things done and be there when you need me
• Always following through
• Putting my family first
• A beautiful home and an eye for design

That's me in a nutshell, the good, bad and ugly. Now if you still decide to read my blog, I will try my best to stick to the bottom 7 topics, specifically the first and the last one which will be a lot less depressing to read about than this one.  Here is to a bright positive future together...until I have such a juicy story that I can not resist the temptation but to write....